--v--<@ A flower that grows despite cement holes @>--v---

Tapestry Playback Theatre Performance 10th Dec

2006-12-07T00:50:00.000+08:00

Hey peeps,

I have a show with Tapestry Playback this Sun! Come and have fun... :)

"We've always had a theme to perform to, now that there's no theme, we'll use nothing to give you everything!"

"This time we really go where the audience leads us! They're gonna have a blast!"

"If you know how Playback works, you know this one is going to be an amazing show."

Join us in the challenge to make a performance out of nothing and everything! Come watch Tapestry Playback Theatre's next performance:

The "?" Show

10th December 2006, Sun

7 pm

Blk 40A, Margaret Drive, level 2

(The Room Above Queenstown Hawker Centre)*

Price: $12.00 **

For students and group discount (5 or more) - $10

Hurry! Tickets are going fast, only 50 seats available!

Email Renee at tapestry.sg@gmail.com for queries and booking of tickets

*Please dress comfortably for sitting on rugs
**Part of the proceeds go to Playback Cambodia Fund

About Playback Theatre
This is a theatre form based on improvisation and it has been practice in over 30 countries in the world.

It was created by Jonathan Fox who believed in a spontaneous theatre that reflected back to a gathered audience their view of the world as they experienced it.

In a playback theatre performance, an audience member tells a real feeling or story from their life situations, chooses actors to play the different roles, and watches as their story is given artistic shape and coherence.

By telling and re-enacting these stories, Playback Theatre enables a community to get to know its members better.

It is all about respect, sharing real stories, connecting Individuals to each other, and creating a deeper sense of community

For more information about playback theatre, please visit www.playbacknet.org

PLAYBACK CAMBODIA

Tapestry Playback Theatre (Singapore) will be embarking on another playback journey to Cambodia (13-26 Dec 2006). This time, we will be working on a joint community performance with social workers, community workers and counselors from Mercy Teams International (MTI). Tapestry will also be partnering MTI in a project with Healthcare Center for Children (HCC).

This is a purely voluntary effort from Tapestry members. If you will like to support us, or have a heart in helping the children of Cambodia, do contribute what you can to the Tapestry Playback Cambodia Fund.

For more information on how you can do this, call Anne Chua at 90068678.

It's the time again...

2006-12-05T02:15:00.000+08:00

It's the time of the day again.

The kind of time that compels you to stop everything you are doing and heave a deep sigh.

I was working as usual, to the wee hours of the night.

Work feeds my soul, fuels my passion and keeps my heart beating.

Looking through the previous evidences of work, I can't help but smile to myself. The crazy people I've met, the gorgeous works that were created, the ties that bind and bonds that tie us together.

But I think I've lost something along the way.

I've forgotten how it is like to be with one person whom I could share everything with.

I put my heart in my hand.

Addiction to drug is not a human's prerogative ;)

2006-11-05T04:02:00.000+08:00

"We couldn't keep our dog's addiction a secret any longer," Laura Mirsch says. "The neighbors all knew that Lady was a drug addict, and soon the other dogs weren't allowed to play with her."

Go here to read and listen to this. I'm utterly amused! :D

The Greatest Advice

2006-10-28T02:59:00.000+08:00

by Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life

Don't date because you are desperate.
Don't marry because you are miserable.
Don't have kids because you think your genes are superior.
Don't philander because you think you are irresistible.
Don't associate with people you can't trust.
Don't cheat. Don't lie. Don't pretend.
Don't dictate because you are smarter.
Don't demand because you are stronger.
Don't sleep around because you think you are old enough & know better.
Don't hurt your kids because loving them is harder.
Don't sell yourself, your family, or your ideals.
Don't stagnate!
Don't regress.
Don't live in the past.
Time can't bring anything or anyone back.
Don't put your life on hold for possibly Mr. Right.
Don't throw your life away on absolutely Mr. Wrong because yourbiological clock is ticking.

Learn a new skill.Find a new friend.Start a new career.

Sometimes, there is no race to be won, only a price to be paid for some of life's more hasty decisions.
To terminate your loneliness, reach out to the homeless.
To feed your nurturing instincts, care for the needy.
To fulfill your parenting fantasies, get a puppy.
Don't bring another life into this world for all the wrong reasons.
To make yourself happy, pursue your passions & be the best of what you can be.
Simplify your life. Take away the clutter.
Get rid of destructive elements: abusive friends, nasty habits, anddangerous liaisons.
Don't abandon your responsibilities but don't overdose on duty.
Don't live life recklessly without thought and feeling for your family.
Be true to yourself.Don't commit when you are not ready.
Don't keep others waiting needlessly.
Go on that trip. Don't postpone it.Say those words.
Don't let the moment pass.Do what you have to, even at society's scorn.

Write poetry.Love Deeply.Walk barefoot.Dance with wild abandon. Cry at the movies.

Take care of yourself. Don't wait for someone to take care of you.
You light up your life.You drive yourself to your destination.
No one completes you - except YOU.
It isn't true that life does not get easier with age.
It only gets more challenging.Don't be afraid. Don't lose your capacity to love.
Pursue your passions.Live your dreams.

Don't lose faith in God. Don't grow old. Just grow YOU!

When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you'll never get back. Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give to someone is your time.Relationships take time and effort, and the best way to spell love is T-I-M-E because the essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.

====================================================

courtesy of my friend Mike for this article...

I love it... a Life of purpose and with truth...

I'm high on LIFE ALREADY! :D

Mime open rehearsal performance

2006-09-08T01:56:00.000+08:00

hey peeps,

sorry to use this place for advertising again... actually it is just to spread the information.

i'm having a show with Mime Unlimited for their Open Rehearsal Performance. Details are as follow:

Mime Unlimited's 4th Open Rehearsal Performance (ORP) runs from 13-16
September, 8.00 pm at Teater Kami's Black Box in 126 Cairnhill Arts Centre.

The annual showcase is directed by Christina Sergeant, Artistic
Director of Mime Unlimited

The ORP is a showcase of new, movement-based work created by the
performers. It's a celebration of the open rehearsals held by Mime
Unlimited. These weekly sessions are open to anyone interested in
mime and movement. Participants warm-up, practice and improvise with
an opportunity to showcase their work in the ORP.

Highlights in this year's performance include:

"Object-ifs"- three new solos inspired by a bag, a length of string
and an umbrella by Vanessa Ho, Renee Chua and Wong Young Tseng.

Low Keng Shin's "First Impressions" is a quirky look at filling a void.

"The First Step" is a chilling journey into addiction by Sharmini Winslow.

Man's relentness quest for bigger and better is the subject of Sirfan
Sulaimi's darkly funny "The Other Side of Man".

"Zip! and Zap!" part of Mime Unlimited's repertoire, is restaged by
Renee Chua and Vanessa Ho, and

"Devotion" brings the whole group together in one new work.

Tickets are available through Mime Unlimited.

ALL TICKETS ARE $12.
For student groups of 10 or more, a special rate of $10 per ticket.

You can book by calling Mime Unlimited on 62351325, or Christina on 97869069. Email bookings are also welcome on mimeunlimited@pacific.net.sg

Please come support this unique showcase of actor-centred work - the
only one of its kind in Singapore!

==========================================

in case you don't know... Kami Theatre is at the second floor.

follow this link to check out the direction from newton mrt.

http://www.streetdirectory.com/asia_travel/travel/travel.php?travel_id=6423&travel_site=22100

if u're interested, let me know, i'll get tickets for u! :D

The Good Fight

2006-08-21T00:57:00.000+08:00

I am reading "The Pilgrimage" by Paulo Coelho.

It is a fantastic read. I devour and feast on the wisdom of this book like a glutton and couldn't lay my fingers off it at all.

Then I came across a term 'The Good Fight'. I've always thought it is a common phrase that some fella created decades ago and now it is passed down by word of mouth. Turns out that the fella was St Paul, and it was created centuries ago...

A friend once told me I'm a fighter. I had the image of Wonder Woman in my head, but the cups are too huge to fill in, so I guess that's as much a fighter I am. But when I come across the term 'the good fight', I so totally dig!

I quote the book... in the spirit of sharing knowledge and wisdom and definitely not committing piracy (disclaimer :P )

"The good fight is the one that's fought in the name of our dreams. When we're young and our dreams first explode inside us with all their force, we are very courageous, but we haven't learned how to fight.

With great effort, we learn how to fight, but by then we no longer have the courage to go into combat. So we turn against ourselves to battle within. We become our own worst enemy. We say that our dreams were childish, or too difficult to realise, or the result of our not having known enough about life. We kill our dreams because we are afraid to fight the good fight.

...the first symptom of the process of our killing our dreams is the lack of time... the truth is, they are afraid to fight the good fight...

The second symptom of the death of our dreams lies in our certainties. Because we don't want to see life as a grand adventure, we being to think of ourselves as wise and fair and correct in asking so little of life...

...and finally, the third symptom of the passing of our dreams is peace. Life becomes a Sunday afternoon; we ask for nothing grand, and we cease to demand anything more than we are willing to give. In that state, we think of ourselves as being mature we put aside the fantasies of our youth, and we seek personal and professional achievement. We are surprised when people our age say that they still want this or that out of life. But really, deep in our hearts, we know that what has happened is that we have renounced the battle for our dreams - we have refused to fight the good fight...

...when we renounce our dreams and find peace... we go through a short period of tranquility. But the dreams begin to rot within us and to infect our entire being. We become cruel to those around us, and then we being to direct this cruelty against ourselves. That's when illnesses and psychoses arise. What we sought to avoid in combat - disappointment and defeat - come upon us because of our cowardice. And one day, the dead, spoiled dreams make it difficult to dream, and we actually seek death..."

To all my friends and the Singaporeans who have forgotten to dream or dreamt and haven't fought...

Trust

2006-07-29T23:02:00.000+08:00

Need to get this out of my system, therefore this post created.

When you were a toddler, you ran to anyone who reached out for you with open arms. You might cry a bit when you were not used to strangers. But as long as the stranger lingered around long enough and made you laugh, you would not hesistate to let stranger carry you to places beyond.

Trust was such a generous gift. You dispensed it easily.

As you grew older, you realised that the power of sneaking around and lying could earn you freedom beyond what the family legislation allowed. You skip classes to cheat a few more hours of sleep and then cover the lie with a medical certificate. You learn that you can play with trust.

And then that was when you realised that the best friend you had always trusted turned his back on you. Your mortal enemy was privy to your identity (courtesy of your best friend) as the gossipmonger that had been spreading deadly secrets about him, which you had insisted to be nothing but the truth. You learnt that trust can be betrayed.

Trust became an exquisite members club, only those proved to be worthy can join in.

This belief stayed on until you graduated from the adolescence institution. You relax the rules for selected cute guys or gals. That was when you first gave your heart away for that romantic thrill that you only heard of or seen of. But it only lasted as long as before the next cuter person come along. Someone's heart would be broken.

The bizarre situation was, you continue to exercise the exceptions for many who walked in and out of your life, and with each entrance and exit, they impaired your ability to trust bit by bit.

Trust is corrupted. You can never trust anyone entirely. You say that you trust, in order to exchange for something that you need.

This condition persisted until you entered the "big big world" incorporation. True enough. Nobody trust nobody. Everything had to be in black and white. And if your black and white was not exhaustive enough and couldn't withstand the close scrutiny of whom you were dealing with, you would be standing on the losing end of the deal.

Everyone on the street is not worthy of trust. Trust can't even be earned, because trust only exists in the surreal realm of idealism.

That is only so much you can trust human and get disappointed repeatedly until you can't trust anymore.

Cambodia 2006

2006-07-19T00:38:00.000+08:00

Went to Cambodia with Tapestry Playback in June.

Part of me wanted it to be a soul trip, part of me wanted to contribute to our effort there, no matter how minute, to rebuild the torn soul of a battered country.

I felt priviledged to be in a position to give.

I was glad to walk on their mud road and star gaze at the non polluted night sky.

I was shocked to see people urinating and bathing in the open in the capital of a country.

I was filthy, clad in my sweaty grim all day long under the hot sun and humid weather.

I was humbled by the resilence of the survivors.

You can take a peak into my trip.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/69277925@N00/sets/72157594203639215

Playing back my Playback

2006-06-13T10:55:00.000+08:00

So many things have gone by and I didn't have the chance to document it.

I've decided that I must put it down into words before memories fade into figments of my imagination and I can no longer differentiate memories and stories that I made up in my head (I've been making up alot of stories nowadays, but this post is real... I promise.)

Playback Theatre is a great experience.

How many times in your life time can you sit in a room full of strangers, and everyone shares their personal stories truthfully and exposes themselves in starkingly naked fashion. And you have audiences giving support to each other by sharing their own life stories and telling each other 'it's alright, I've been there it'll soon be over?'

Of course, you have talented actors (*blink blink*) to reenact the stories, and achieve the effect of catharsis and entertainment all at the same time!

The audiences were a great sport. They shared stories of childhood abuses, childhood memories, hometown food and cross roads decisions. I was humbled...being able to play a grandma, mama, wife and God all in the same show (eh, how come all characters same gender?? *gasp* blasphemy!!)

Best of all was a grand reunion of my closest classmates and friends from the hall. Me is popular siah.

And when the show is over, I asked for their opinions. The girls went: "Yah, the show is very interesting... eh, where you buy your black pants ah? Very unique leh." Oh man! Where were they looking?! At my bottom?? Girls?? Me is popular with girls siah...

My Playback Show

2006-05-26T00:10:00.000+08:00

Hey peeps who have been around...

While you're busy with exams, I'm busy with life in general! I'm high on life!

Meanwhile, just dropping a little note if you're thinking of catching a different type of theatre performance. And best of all, I'll be performing!

The format of this performance is very unique and refreshing, you say your story, we act out for your story on the spot with minimal sets and props, just boxes and cloth, but able to move hearts. Details of the show are at the bottom of the email.

Been part of this theatre since beginning of this month, and I’m touched by the potential of how much difference this form of theatre can do.

The performance is at a humble venue, but it is just the beginning.

Hope you can join me.

Come and play!

Explore how we see ourselves in our daily lives and how others look at us.

Join us in Tapestry Playback Theatre's next performance:

WHO AM I?
3rd June 2006 , Sat
8 pm – 9.30 pm

Blk 40A, Margaret Drive, level 2
(The Room Above Queenstown Hawker Centre)

Price: $15.00 *
*Part of the proceeds go to Playback Cambodia

(Purchase of more than 5 tickets and students – $12)

Email Eemien at tapestry.sg@gmail.com for more information about booking of tickets and queries.

===========================

PLAYBACK CAMBODIA Presentation

There will be a special presentation on Playback Cambodia during the tea-break. Please stay on to support this presentation.

Tapestry Playback Theatre ( Singapore) will be embarking on another playback journey to Cambodia on 20-25 June 2006. This time, we hope to bring two customized workshops for social workers, community workers and counselors from Mercy Teams International (MTI) and other Non-Government Organizations. Tapestry would also be facilitating a playback workshop for a group of Cambodian children from MTI.

This is a purely voluntary effort from Tapestry members. If you believe in the ministry of Playback Theatre, and would like to support us, or have a heart in helping the children of Cambodia, do contribute in amounts of $10, $20, $50 to the Tapestry Playback Cambodia Fund.

For more information on how you could do this, call Anne Chua at 90068678.

=====================================

About Playback Theatre
This is a theatre form based on improvisation and it has been practice in over 30 countries in the world.

It was created by Jonathan Fox who believed in a spontaneous theatre that reflected back to a gathered audience their view of the world as they experienced it.

In a playback theatre performance, an audience member tells a real feeling or story from their life situations, chooses actors to play the different roles, and watches as their story is given artistic shape and coherence.

By telling and re-enacting these stories, Playback Theatre enables a community to get to know its members better.

It is all about respect, sharing real stories, connecting

Individuals to each other, and creating a deeper sense of community

For more information about playback theatre, please visit

www.playbacknet.org

Leave your comments or queries at http://tapestryplayback.blogspot.com

Opening doors

2006-05-01T23:39:00.000+08:00

I hesitated at the door.
Why isn't it opened from the other side?
My hands at the handle,
should I turn it or not?

Did I hear a knock?
A gentle thump on the other side?
Or was it my imagination,
that I wanted to hear it.

I looked back.
It was a long corridor,
with many turns and bends.
I have already unlocked many to get this far.

Why do I stop at this door?
Am I not enough to open it?
No body else wants to walk through the door?
Or should I open it instead?

Do I walk on like other doors I'd missed,
or sit around and wait?
Will I be ready to face what's in front of the door?
Or will I get all bruised again?

I'm stuck between and closed door
And many opened doors.

Tell me watcha think of moi...

2006-04-05T01:35:00.000+08:00

yo yo yo,

tell me watcha think of moi...

http://kevan.org/johari?name=Renee%20the%20ling!

heh heh... :D

These are wicked... very wicked...

2006-04-05T01:27:00.000+08:00

I... love and hate puzzles..

they puzzled my little brain.

it's too much.

so i gotta make you frustrated with them as well.

go for it my fellow weeds.

http://weikiat.ikueb.com/thewicked/index.html#

http://www.surfnetkids.com/games/sudoku.htm

http://www.angelfire.com/co4/isad/hide1

http://www.fasco-csc.com/works/crimson/crimson_e.php

A Friend from Urumqi

2006-03-25T02:25:00.000+08:00

Fwah!

I know I beri the suah gu... but, to have someone dropping me a message and initate conversation through skype and all the way from Urumqi and then we talked for more than an hour... is an amazing thing.

We're half a world away, yet we talk about life and people as if we are just living next door. Even people next door don't talk so much to you. (Yeah, I know I have a neurotic neighbour upstairs who scolds her husband non-stop for hours at the top of her voice and I hear it, but that's not a conversation)

She gave me two gifts...

1. She always write on the board in her first lesson (she's a teacher, teaching in a medical college) "You are what you think"

2. 'Youth' by Samuel Erman

Youth is not a time of life , it is a state of mind, it is not a matter of rosy cheeks, red lips and supple knees, it is a matter of the will, a quality of the imagination, a vigor of the emotions, it is the freshness of the deep spring of life.

Youth means a temperamental predominance of courage over timidity, of the appetite for adventure over the love of ease. This often exists in a man of 60 more than a boy of 20.Nobody grows merely by a number of years, we grow old by deserting our ideas.

Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkle the soul. Worry, fear, self-distrust bows the heart and turns the spirit back to dust.

Weather 60 or 16, there is in every human beings heart the lure of wonders, the unfailing childlike appetite for what’s next and the joy of the game of living. In the center of your heart and my heart, there is a wireless station: so long as it receives messages of beauty, hope, cheer, courage and power from man and from the infinite, so long as you are young.

When the aerials are down, and your spirit is covered with snows of cynicism and the ice of pessimism, then you’ve grown old, even at 20,but as long as your aerials are up to catch waves of optimism, there’s hope you may die young at 80.

I give this to you, who ever is reading...

Updates on the show times

2006-03-17T14:25:00.001+08:00

Hey peeps,

here's the latest confirmed show times.

in case you're expecting to see my face all the time, just not to disappoint you, i'll doing a small supporting role... heh...

Sunday, March 26 - 12:20am
(Saturday midnight screening)
Monday, March 27 - 9:20pm
Tuesday, March 28 - 12:00noon, 1:50pm, 3:40pm, 5:30pm

If you guys can make it on Tue 5:30pm, i'll fly down and join u all after my class which ends at 5pm.

how now brown cow? :)

Updates on the show times

2006-03-17T14:25:00.000+08:00

Updates from the showing time

2006-03-17T14:22:00.000+08:00

Hey peeps,

here's the latest update of the show time.

Sunday, March 26 - 12:20am
(Saturday midnight screening)
Monday, March 27 - 9:20pm
Tuesday, March 28 - 12:00noon, 1:50pm, 3:40pm, 5:30pm

If you guys can make it for Tue 5:30pm, I'll fly down to join u all right after my class at 5pm.

How now brown cow? :)

me is going to be seen...gasp

2006-03-08T23:56:00.000+08:00

erm...

heh...

me is going to be on screen... first show on big screen and is going to be a bad woman... how exciting.

more info can be retrieved from here...

http://www.thepicturehouse.com.sg/upcoming.htm

or you can go to the movie's webby to see...

http://www.smellofrainmovie.com

Showing:
27th at 9pm,
28th at 1pm, 3pm & 5pm.

$10 per ticket and you can buy them at the cinema.

Let me the bad woman know if you're going so I won't buy tickets for you... I mean, get tickets for you.

For crying out loud...!

2006-02-11T02:27:00.000+08:00

OH MY...

The last blog was dated more than a month ago.

The blog screams out in pain... "I'm neglected by you, bitch!"

Renee comes in to pacify the blog.

"ohr la ohr la... anggrrri angrrriiieieie (baby talk and tickles the monitor)
Sorlie ah... I have been writing alot, so wanted to chill on blogging..."

Blog lets out the longest whining sound you've ever heard, even Fiona Xie in her 'My Little Genie' days can't beat that...

"HmmmmmMMmmMMMMMmMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmM!"

Renee panics! She continues to type on the blog to occupy it.

"okay okay... here comes more words to feed you."

Blog seems a little pacified.

"That's more like it."

Renee heaves a sigh and rests her flatten finger tips a little (too much typing causes flattened finger tips if you're wondering why) and just when she thought she can rest... the blog goes...

"Why are you stopping?!? This is not long enough to be a decent post, considering that you have been typing in the tag board and not me! Unfair!"

Blog goes in a "Unfair! Unfair!" chant... with the irritating msn pop up sound as a rhythmic background. Irritating as it sound... it was actually smoothing and hypnotic to the worn out and exhausted Renee who has a million of dateline dooms lurking in the background.

Blog tries even harder and the rhythm goes even faster... so fast until... *GASP!* the blue screen of death appears! (meaning... the computer is hanged, for those who are too young to use windows 98... that window that opens to the blue screen of death...)

Renee gasps and frantically presses "Ctrl+Alt+Del" until the situation is salvaged. She returns to a raging blog...

Renee is extremely apologetic...

"So sorry darling... ok ok... here's some words of wisdom from a guru... not me... The words of wisdom should be enough to last you for another one month?"

Blog gasps at the one month.

Renee quickly retracts her words.

"Ok ok! Erm... as soon as I can... pretty please?

Blog nods understandingly.

Renee takes a deep breath... words of wisdom don't come out easily...

"Being a writer is a very peculiar sort of a job: it's always you versus a blank sheet of paper (or a blank screen) and quite often the blank piece of paper wins. It has no job security of any kind, and depends mostly on whether or not you can, like Scheherazade, tell the stories each night that'll keep you alive until tomorrow. There are undoubtedly hundreds of easier, less stressful, more straightforward jobs in the world. Personally, I can't think of anything else I'd rather do, but that's me. "

Renee exhales her withheld air... she held her breath for his wise words... who else can the person who spoke it be, except for Neil Gaiman.

Blog nods in agreement approvingly and lets Renee off this time round...

Renee: Phew...

Full Circle

2006-01-02T21:56:00.000+08:00

It's been a long year.

A year is a year, 356 days. But it is a year that can last a life time.

I've wrapped up and reconciled with the past, a past which I used to remember as hurt and pain, now becomes a propeller that drives me forward.

Everything happens for a reason.

And for whatever reasons it happened, you justify them to yourself. It is just like a coin with two sides, you see which ever side you wanna see it, and just like a glass half empty or half full. And by doing that, you'll see a fuller picture of your past and in retrospect, give it its due respect and it becomes an experience that enriches you rather than an excuse for your failings in the future.

Explaining it point-blank, I'm saying you can't stay forever in depression or cynicism or isolation because of a past and allow it to continue to affect your present and future.

I used to be traveling in a mist, for a search which I don't know what I'm searching for and went on a detour. Now, I'm now on a journey which promises nothing more than hardwork, hardwork and more hardwork, but I'm enjoying the sight of it.

Perhaps it's a closure of a past that gave me renewed strength and pumps me with adrenaline from the anticipation that resulted in this optimism... but whatever it is, I just love the way things are going, and it promises more delightful things along the way.

Things have come to a full circle.

To a new year and to all my dear family, friends and 'sons and daughters'...

Cheers!

ps: I managed to get a close friend drunk on new year's eve... she fulfilled her new year's resolution on new year's eve, how kiasu can Singaporean get...

pps: man... am I philosophical or am I philosophical...

mass appeal

2005-11-27T02:21:00.000+08:00

This blog is poised for prose...
Elegancy and simplicity that contains the complexity of life.

The owner however...
Is not just a self declared ah lian, but a recognised ah lian in all essence.

(For the uninformed, ah lian, is one of the product from our self coined "Uniquely Singapore" campaign, though the garmen (government) will most likely protest to that. Where else can you find young teenage girls who behaves in the most unlady-likeliest manner and every word she spits out has a strong singlish venom that will cause decay in the ears of constipated speak good english intellectual snobs. Ah lian speaks in an array of languages and in it's most powerful form ie: expletives. As a tribute, they are one of the most edge cutting, revolutionalising and refreshing group of young pple in Singapore.)

How am I recognised as an Ah Lian?

To be acknowledged as a certain group of pple, you gotta receive recognition from pple of similiar identity.

Amazing it may sound...

An Ah Beng with all things resembling of an ah beng
came up to me in his beng-ish style
ask me in his most bengalicious manner

miss, want to be my friend or not? (to be spoken in hokkien accented chinese)

*

*

*blink*

*blink*

I...was lost for words.

Not only does the shimmer from his golden chain, golden bracelet, golden ring with a big jade stone and golden diamond stubbed rolex watch stunned me, his words created waves under my calm demeanour...

I smiled...

I felt a strong sense of pride that I was recognised and seen as a part of a group that is unique to Singapore... and also... I was picked up by ah beng in the most original beng-ish manner...

Talk about a sense of national pride...

Out of curiousity, I sms-ed some good friends...

"Hey, do I really look like an Ah Lian?"

like all good friends, one reply was

"You mean it was unintentional? Gee..."

And then another reply

"Haha! You do have mass appeal..."

*

*

*Blinks...*

(in Ah Lian manner)

What you saying huh? Simi mass appeal?

Whatever that makes you happy...

2005-10-06T03:26:00.000+08:00

When all along, I thought that I gotta have clear direction, crystal solid vision and focus to lead a purposeful life with meaning to be happy... I came across this quote.

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?"
~Charles Schulz

Man... does this equation really work out? And Charles Schulz was my fav childhood comic writer (Peanuts).

And when I thought that the world is crashing down again... Bali bombing, Singapore bombing (exercises only lah, at various mrts), terrorism, global warming, nature going bizarre, people got caught for racist remarks on blogs (even the internet has no freedom of speech) and then my nails broke for the first time (*faints*)... and then I saw this mind blowing remark...

"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia."
~Charles Schulz

Vitamin for the soul

2005-10-05T00:59:00.000+08:00

An article I've read...

A Soulful Relationship

If you're not married yet, share this with a friend.
If you are married, share it with your spouse or other married couples..and reflect on it.

An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye."

Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really important.

Once you decide to commit to someone, over time their flaws, vulnerabilities, pet pee ves, and differences will become more obvious.

If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you've got to learn to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you.

You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths. You are two unique individuals who have decided to share a life together. Neither of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other? Do you bring out the best of each other?

Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare, and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?

You can't take someone to the altar to alter him or her. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life", you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain.

Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship.

Seeking status, sex, wealth, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship. What keeps a relationship strong? Communication, intimacy, trust, a sense of humor, sharing household tasks, some getaway time without business or children and daily exchanges (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note). Leave a nice message on their voicemail or send a nice email. Sharing common goals and interests.

Growth is important. Grow together, not away from each other, giving each other space to grow without feeling insecure. Allow your mate to have outside interest. You can't always be together. Give each other a sense of belonging and assurances of commitment. Don't try to control one another.

Learn each other's family situation. Respect his or her parents regardless.

Don't put pressure on each other for material goods. Remember for richer or for poorer. If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty, and pain replace the passion.

Shall we make a new rule of life from tonight?

Always to try to be a little kinder than is necessary.

The difference between 'United' and 'Un tied' is where you put the "i".

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

A transaction

2005-09-23T01:47:00.000+08:00

In exchange
for an intention that was well hidden,
you were willing to compromise
and sacrifice most of what you could.

When you realised that what you were in for,
was actually more than what you could give
you scrambled your way to safety.

In the first place,
nobody asked for heaven and sky.
Those that sticked around thought you could give
and they believed in you.

You were digging your own grave
in this transaction
that you promised,
something more than what you could deliver.

Now that you can't
don't blame the whole world
except yourself.

Don't treat those that believed you
with underhand ways
when you speak of honour and integrity.

Don't expect everything to run smoothly
like how a fish would in water.
This is life
and you never seem to learn.

In the end,
you created a transaction
that you can't deliver
and yet at the same time,
left those that believed in you
behind.

Still Fresh from HK Air

2005-09-13T02:48:00.000+08:00

The formidable banana returns! Now you know how BIG is it...

How can there be no dramatics with me around! hoho! Me and Hsia, starring in "____", live in HK Star Avenue (start bidding for a title for it!, winner will get nothing less than a big banana)

slurp slurp... the yummy almond biscuits from macau..

me and ma whacky hk cousin...

Living in a tight squeeze.. ohh!.. that's about the space they have in the living room to take photo.

What is coming to HK without going to the PEAK for a glorious night view.. too bad it has been raining and was misty that night. But.. it already took my breath away.. into the hk air..

What is talent?

2005-09-13T02:43:00.000+08:00

Discipline is the refining fire by which talent becomes ability.
--Roy L Smith

Talent is what you possess; genius is what possesses you.
--Malcolm Cowley

Everyone has talent. What is rare is the courage to follow that talent to dark place where it leads.
--Erica Jong

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
- Edward George Bulwer-Lytton

First of all you've got to have talent. And then you've got to marry her like I did.
- George Burns

Talent is what people call you when you're better than the majority in anything.
-- Renee Chua

Fresh from Hong Kong air..

2005-08-27T13:45:00.000+08:00

from the left, my fren huihsia sotong, me the pretty, ma cousin, ma fat bro joe

the wishing tree... i wish for a dark knight in a shining armour... a nice villa with sea view... and...

OMG! Maggie Cheung!!!

the beautiful clock tower, at the now defunct train station

marvellous exhibit at hk cultural museum... 4000 chinese characters, all made up...

the biggest banana I've ever eaten in my life...

Playing by the rules

2005-08-06T00:45:00.000+08:00

Game has rules
so that there is competition.

Tennis court without lines
you're never out.

Race without finishing line
you'll never finish.

Game has rules
so there is fairplay.

A winner who wins by cheating
does not compete by skill.

Game has rules
so that there is certainty.

Nobody plays golf with shuttercock
or a basketball with hockey stick

You wanna play the game
you must know the rules.

But some want to play outside the game
beyond the lines
above the rules
and yet beat the players in the game.

The players won't be beaten.
It would just a different game,
with another set of rules.

Disgestive biscuits and milk

2005-08-06T00:36:00.000+08:00

I break them into half
so it can fit into the cup.

Then dip a quarter into the milk,
so my finger can hold the other quarter
and bite off the quarter that is soaked.

Disgestive biscuits
taste best in rich creamy milk.

Afterwhich, I'll pinch the smallest corner of the other quarter,
dip the biscuit into the milk as much as I can,
without wetting my finger.

Disgestive biscuits
taste best when soaked completely, but not my finger.

I got it all figured out...

Disgestive biscuits and milk
The way to eat them.

life goes on...

2005-08-02T02:12:00.000+08:00

A tree grew from a seed that came from a bird shit after the bird ate the fruit that came from a tree...

now what

2005-07-18T00:37:00.000+08:00

the storm has arrived
sweeping away unimaginably everything
leaving scrumbs and waste behind
now what?

don't stay here anymore
the voice says

but every single part of me
belongs to this place

there's nothing left here
voice continues

but memories
I know... but ...

stay here and waste?
voice retorts

waste...
everything in me is gone anyway

so you're going to stay here and die?
voice replies

I... don't know...
really... I can't move... yet...

here, take this
take this knife and end your life
easier way out for you
voice croons

I can't... I....

You are a coward!
Voice storms

No! I'm not! If I have the bloody courage to fight the storm, why can't i take my life.. it's just that...

every being fights for survival,
it's only natural
but when it comes to taking your own life
it needs real courage

I can't

why not

No....

You're a bloody coward

NO!

Then??

I need to live
To see the sunrise again
to live my dream
whatever that's left of it
and find out what's in store for me
before i breath my last breathe
I still want to finish my book of life
to the last chapter
and not be a spoiler by skipping to the last page
to do justice to the author...

hmmm... fair enough
good answer
voice replies

I...

so...?
now what?
voice quips

I guess...
I'll make a move.
Yah...
I'll make a move.

See you around then!
Voice out...

~inspiration to write something longer nowadays~

to see the world

2005-07-12T00:48:00.000+08:00

a little girl
peeps out of her little window
in a tiny house
of a faraway estate
in a small town
where few people reside
and life is laid back

she wonders at the world beyond her
the sky
big and wide
blue and dark
changes colour
changes mood
ever so fascinating

the wind
that travels for miles
kisses her face
with the smell of city
glamour
temptations
vibrancy
worldliness
lust

the world outside is too complicated
says mom
stay here
it's safe
when you grow up
get a man and tend to the farm the house the family
like we all do

girl ponders at the world beyond the yonder
what will she become?
how will she live her life?

questions swarm the little mind
answers are the same

the world outside is too complicated
it's safe here

but still
the little heart yearns to taste
the bitterness to enjoy the sweet
the saddness to enjoy the happiness
the anger to enjoy calmness

and so she steps forth
out of the door
carrying with her a lovely pink bag embroided with flowers
she travels the world
like all others that are hungry to taste

at times she wish she never step out of the door
she curses at her ill fate, sometimes praises lord for her blessing
she becomes cynical from bitterness, but also gains love from others

it was a journey never to return

and even when she returns
it will still be the same house
same room
same window
same bag but threads of the embroided flowers are gone
and the girl behind the window
has become a woman

dream dangerously

2005-07-05T00:49:00.000+08:00

an encounter
with a giant
that stands in an illusion
with a myriad of words
that spin in his will

what if... if only...
I wonder...
wouldn't it be interesting...

those are his magical abracadabra
which churn out tales
so surreal
yet real

I stood like a little girl
before this giant
hands outstretched
seeking for little souvenirs of this brush of fate
a few signatures
a kiss
a handshake

dream dangerously
sweet dreams
the giant whispered to me

gratified and thrilled
my heart fluttered
the wings carried me
to a land of stardust...

~My fav author Neil Gaiman is in town!~

I sense

2005-07-02T03:21:00.000+08:00

a hair rising moment
the silence before the bang of the gun in a race
the intensity of suspense in the horror movie

i held my breath
for the gruelling excitment
or an exhilirating despair

the future is a mist
a light flickers
was it an illusion
or the guiding light

i am confused

inching forward
i tremble

i sense
the calm at the eye of the tornado
the retreat before tsumani crescendos and tumble
the lost of gravity as the floor under your feet gives way

i sense no more

time stands still

2005-06-19T15:41:00.000+08:00

a departure
separation by life and death

a short farewell ritual
with blessings of a smooth journey
to the other world

people come and go
familiar strangers and
unfamiliar relatives
pay their respects

bid the last goodbye
gates closed
the cold body sent to a fiery end

life, filled with fleeting illusions
yet we all struggle to stay alive

time moves so fast
while the struggle seems long

but at that point of departure
time seems to stand still
it seems eternity
as all stop still to mourn

ashes to ashes...

2005-06-16T21:05:00.000+08:00

i stepped home
called out her name
a routine
i so gladly adhered to
there was no reply
i answered with some embarrassing laughter

the usual seat at the same place
the wave of a hand when you say goodbye everyday
the trembling touch that frails away as you hold her

a century
a long time to live
a rough ride in life
but she pull it through

now the presence is gone
what is left
are an urn... with ashes
two candles, some joss sticks
and a piece of paper with her name inscribed on it

but the memory remains
of a woman who held the family together
with her strength and a gentle heart
and her love for all her off springs

~in memory of my granny, who passed away peacefully in our home on 11th June 2005, 7:17am and ended her long fight with illnesses.

darkness

2005-06-08T02:22:00.000+08:00

i open my eyes
to darkness
and all i can see
is nothingness
hidden in nothingness

when i stretch forth my arms
i don't see my fingers
i see black
nothing

i open my world to darkness
it envelopes
and swallows everything
into nothingness

vaccum
solitude

the slightest disturbance to the silence
will dissolve
and never to appear

notes of life

2005-06-01T00:50:00.000+08:00

little musical notes
chain up a melody
melody of life

the beat is regular
the tune starts with a simple introduction
but nothing can be satisfied

underneath the melody
lies a subtlely complex undercurrent of sub melodies

as more notes are thrown in
distinctively
you hear other tunes in the background

building on the melody
at some point
the tunes threaten to overthrow the melody

and just when the upsurge is about to win
a bang
a pause
and you hear the melody once again
while other tunes complement it
to form a harmonious chaos of notes

life... a harmonious chaos of notes

~~flower in a comtemplative mode~~

good man

2005-06-01T00:42:00.000+08:00

you're a good man
wise beyond your years
seen the things that you wanted
experienced life to the fullest
though to some extent you would rather not

you need a rest
the soul is weary
but you still got to fight on
you can't just stop
at any place
which doesn't justify
the journey that had brought you so far

you need a justification
the stop must be worthwhile
yet it seems like there is no end to it
by all means
it must take you there

by all means
any means

yet
you are still
a good man

a game of me

2005-06-01T00:05:00.000+08:00

in a court
with a net that mirrors myself
i serve the ball
to the opposite side
another side of me

I am not sure
where the ball will lead
but i know
the tougher the match
the longer the game

i trick myself
make a false move
i won
but me on the other end
cry foul

i challenge myself
hit the balls to the limits
i run around the courts
refuse to play by the rules
refuse to submit
but to play it the hard way

when the match gets rough
i wrestled with myself
i try to defeat myself
but i never give up

at the end of the game
there is no winner or loser
just me
who has battled through a game of me

Voiceless

2005-05-20T22:26:00.000+08:00

a mouth
a tool
to speak

but without a voice
a voiceless mouth
merely
regurgitates
words that were once spoken

a voice
that speaks of what others speak
is nothing
but meaningless words
that come from a mouth
without a voice

a raging storm

2005-05-17T23:44:00.000+08:00

the sky is overcast
the lightning warns and
the thunderstorm threatens
to capsize any boats in its way

a raging storm arrives

the waves crash
the wind swallows
anything
in any capacity

no matter the size
no matter the importance of the journey

the boats
on the verge of death
some chose to give up
the unfortunate ones were taken whole
or pieces

the survivors
feared the sea
became cynical
cursed the one above

they survived the storm
but they didn't survive as a whole
some parts of them sinked
never to rise again

those who made a choice
to venture forth once again
or even more
and harvest
for those who never did venture
or never dared to anymore
are the real survivors

another turn

2005-05-14T02:57:00.000+08:00

lost
in this new direction
i looked back
at where i started from
seeking comfort in familiarity

i back tracked
weathered by the storm ahead
i wearily retreated

the only easy day was yesterday

the faces i've seen
the places i've been
words that i've heard
comforting me with their warm embrace

yet

the past was what repelled me to move forward
to a new road ahead

i'm not contented
yet i fear what lies ahead

another turn
another new road

but i would rather walk this path
then not at all
and wonder in amazement
what lies beyond that turn

pain

2005-05-14T01:09:00.000+08:00

another of those moments
harrassing you
and it just wouldn't stop

flashes of the past
arrest the heart
tightening it
till it can't breath

just like those times
you wish
you could turn the hands of the clock around
you should have been wiser
you would have done so much more

it was once yours
now it slipped away from you
you can only look at it
from afar
but never to touch or hold it

all that were left
are nothing but memories
and pain

I am...

2005-05-12T00:06:00.000+08:00

I'm slim and i'm happy
I'm shortsighted but i'm looking far ahead
I'm down but i'm high
i'm in pieces and i'm picking it up
I'm broken but i'll still be in love

At the end of the day
I'm just gonna move on
and it's all gonna be fine
cos i'm singing my favourite tune
and it's sounding fine

I'm over zealous but I'm sane
I'm lost but I'm hopeful
I'm tired but I'm working
I'm sad but I'm laughing
I'm wrong and I'm sorry

And at the end of the day
life is gonna be pretty alright
Just that I haven't got it all figured out yet
like all other confused bunch around me

What really matters is
i choose my way
and I live it up my way

i choose to stay

2005-05-02T23:26:00.000+08:00

i would have broken down
i would have gone berserk
i would have quit
i would have run away

i choose to stay
to complete this journey set out for you and me
and see you fly away, while wishing you happiness
and fulfil a promise
for sentimental reasons
then see what life still have in store for me

If only just love is enough

2005-05-02T23:16:00.000+08:00

when all has ended
and it doesn't make sense anymore
to look back
at what had gone wrong
and try to remedy it
or patch it all back

a mirror
once broken
cannot be mended

what is left
are pieces of reflections
shining on my face
glaring at me
is a broken face
from a broken heart

the formula was just right
ceteris paribus
but only one went wrong
time

you have no time
i need time

if only just love would be enough
other things being constant
it would have equate
to a happy ending

am i too slow or are you in a rush?

2005-04-30T00:07:00.000+08:00

you said you're an old bird
seen the world
took your rounds
and resting now

I'm a fledging newbie
waiting to see the world
wanting to venture forth
you say you'll show me the way
all i gotta do is to take the flight

i risk it
i take the dip
i enjoy the wind in my face
i love being by your side

you taught me how to spread my wings and fly
you taught me how to dive and prey
you taught me how to enjoy the moment

i learnt the ways
i practice them
i falter
you pick me up
dust off the dirt on my wings
i continue to fly
and falter
but never give up
never lose faith

it took a toll on you

perhaps i wasn't ready
to fly so high
so fast

perhaps you thought i could fly
higher
faster

our pace unmatched
i was behind
no longer side by side with you

we stopped

i ponder

is this the end

i refuse to give up
holding on to a promise and the faith
you refuse to try anymore
you need to move on

was i too slow for your pace
or were you in a rush in the first place

your face

2005-04-27T00:40:00.000+08:00

your face
speaks a thousand words
yet your mouth
refuses to budge

your mind
runs through a thousand thoughts
yet your body
did not display any sign of disturbance

just a few moment of silence
sitting right next to you
i'll shudder
at the whirlwind of emotions that stirs between us
yet you remain non chalent

i wonder what goes on
in this endless pit of destiny's black hole
and what lies underneath at the end of it all for us

while at the same time
your face remains still
words unspoken
hearts unopened

quarter century old

2005-04-24T02:23:00.000+08:00

another year
another day
another minute
another second
i'm yet another year older
but felt like i'm years older

haven't been that high
so high
till the gravity of my senses leave me
i just pour out senselessly
all that left within me

never been that low
so low
till i can no longer fall
and finally learn how to touch base with myself

will never forget this year
that makes me who i am
and what i am.

Never like to write

2005-04-20T01:39:00.000+08:00

i never like to write
never...
ever...

just a play of words
wrapping the simplest thoughts with fancy rhetoric
beat about the bush

never for me

and that's what i thought

words become my best friend
when i'm in the depths of despair
lending me little strings of hope
that dangles from above
to lift me up

writing become my partner in crime
walking along side with me.
it has a hand in letting my thoughts escape
from the dungeons of my conventions
and give them a new lease of life

since then

i've not given up on words
never will

writer's bug

2005-04-19T00:27:00.000+08:00

dunno why

but caught the writer's bug.

the influx of inspiration is making me wild.

read this on my friend's blog... (kudoz to justin!)

"Everywhere I turn, I am told that there is light at the end of the tunnel. That is undoubtedly true, for tunnels must lead somewhere. It is only now that this light is visible, and it is inevitable that the realist who inhabits some musty corner of my consciousness clears his throat and suggests that the light, while representative of hope, could be the harbinger of darker times. It would be foolish, of course to pay this cantankerous has-been any attention. To be realistic, or to temper our thoughts and emotions with any degree of realism, is to fall prey to that great bane of great men: despair.

Tunnels are by definition longer than they are wide."

I don't know if it's an optimistic or pessimistic angel of his talking, perhaps the cantankerous side of him must end off the last line...

If we are meant to see light at the end of the tunnel, then it means no tunnel has a dead end... but if the tunnel is sealed? or the light at the tunnel leads to a deadly drop? Does these possibilities stop the realistic from burrowing the tunnel? and to sit down and cry over its lost cheese? And never find out the possibility of finding light at the end of the tunnel?

I guess I'm still a bloody utopian optimist...

Stay at the light side...

hoho...

moving on

2005-04-18T22:12:00.000+08:00

life's a bus journey
some know their route
some don't
but we all travel through the passage of time
stopping momentarily at different intervals

some stops make us linger a bit longer
some are just for by pass

At some stops, you meet a strange beautiful lonely stranger
or even a smile from a passenger, that brightens up your day
but for most, you meet plenty of meaningless people
you see all sorts of persona
at the same time
you travel along
whether it's rain or shine
and see what life has to offer

at times, the ride is rough
other buses come crashing into you
some curse you for the lousy ride
cars cutting into your bus lane
people cheat you of your bus fare

you break down some times
and occassionally
help comes from the most unexpected places
a stranger motorcylist
an unknown pedestrain
with some warming words

and if you're lucky,
a lovely person will stay on with you
till you reach the terminal
some unlucky ones
travel alone
in an empty bus

but no matter what the ride has to offer
you still have to travel
and move on
till journey's end...

the beauty of life

i feel the same way

2005-04-18T21:08:00.000+08:00

hey girl
i feel the same way as you do
some times
----------------------------------------------------
the power to hate
so tempting
yet it's beyond my reach
the power to despise
so delicious
yet i can't taste it
the depths of darkness
i want to fall
yet i always touch the ground

the hands of compassion will reach out to me
appealing me to empathize
to listen
and to accept
to understand
and to forgive

i can't bear myself to hate
for all that was done
i can't bear myself to desert
although a promise was forsaken

i can only understand
i can only empathize
i can only hope and wait
till i can see the light for all this again

so be it

2005-04-17T21:25:00.000+08:00

if fate has it such
that the tide will turn
and make the worst of everything
crash upon you
so be it

if destiny has it such
that you have to travel this road
and present you with obstacles
that makes you falter
so be it

if your life has it such
that all hope abandon you
at the most difficult of times
and you lose your way
so be it

accept what life has given
turn it around
make it your way
and walk on
to complete your path
so be it

something i read today

2005-04-13T00:21:00.000+08:00

Read something interesting somewhere...

"We must interpret a bad temper as a sign of inferiority.
Compassion automatically invites you to relate with people because you no longer
regard people as a drain on your energy."

a conversation that never happened

2005-04-11T21:23:00.000+08:00

a phone call
your voice
stirs me
yet
we get by another call
without talking

the thought
that emotion
all those feelings
the longing to say them to you badly
yet strongly held back

i wanted to tell you
wanted to shout it out to you
i wanted to whisper them into your ears
wanted to let them out

the desire to arrest you
with tender voice
gentle words
but all wrapped up with a few simple casual words
straight voice
indifferent tone

and when the moment passes by
the call ends
there's nothing left
but a dial tone

nothing left
but a conversation that never happened

It just gets harder

2005-04-09T19:13:00.000+08:00

when you're a toddler
you learn how to walk
you learn how to talk
you learn what is circle, triangle, square, red, blue green
it doesn't even seem hard
although it was from ground zero

when you become a student
you begin to learn the finer aspects of hand eye coordination
you learn to express your thoughts and emotions
you learn what is circumference, area, square root
life seems fun
with adults showering you their care and concern and love

then you become a young adult
you are trained in logical thinking
you are exposed to complex theories and thinkings
you explore human relationships, of love, hate, likes, dislikes and multitudes of it
life gets complicated
problems begin to sprout

then you reach early adulthood
you worry about career
you search for your life's direction
you get your heart broken and you broke others'
life becomes confusing
troubles, problems, worries, despair and stress come in waves after waves
life is tough

eventually when you find the love of your life time
or just settle with whom ever that's decent
you find a footing to start from
perhaps you're proud of your achievement, or still searching
but you win some, you lose some
you would have scars from several falls
you would have stumbled along the way
and the path continues to intimidate you
it just gets harder and harder

you finally have kids
you hate your boss
your business stresses you out
the finances that you are burdened with is the only reason for you to work
you thought your wisdom of so many years will pull you through
then your spouse doesn't seem to care as much
kids are growing up, puberty angst, rebellion, arguments
your parents get older, health bills, naggin
their needs become a burden
you wonder how did you end up like this

when finally your kids have grown up
you had enough savings to retire
just when you thought you can sit back and enjoy life
your health would have suffered
from the endless toils and strains
your body would be worn and tired
your spirit would be scarred

you might even want to be out of this whole game of life
occassionally, little candy surprises appear here and there
but when life decides to pull the candy out of your mouth
life is still a toil

life...just gets harder

A real artist

2005-04-09T01:11:00.000+08:00

"Do you realise... what is required of an actor, why a real artist must lead a full, interesting, beautiful, varied, exciting and inspiring life? ~ Stanislavski

The authority in acting had spoken...

The words remain true till these days.

I thank the array of emotional vocabulary that I had built over the past year.

Haven't felt so alive.

Alive with pain
Sensatised by sorrow
Perturbed by frustration
Despaired by the bleakness of what beholds
Yet at the same time, still staunchly keeping the faith

Never been so inspired
Never been so awaken
Never been so awed by the forces of destiny
Never been so down
Never appreciate the beauty of life
until recently

what happens before
was a mess made by a day dreamer, sleep walker

I guess the sleeper in me has slowly awaken

I embrace the world with my open arms

I am taking the step to be a real artist

Come and take me if you want you bitchy life!

I'll make you my fire

to lighten up the world with the beauty of art

sooooo unfair!

2005-04-07T23:34:00.000+08:00

soooooo unfair!!!

i wanna say it out loud!

sooooooooo unfair!!!!!!!

life is getting waaaaaay toooooo bitchy for me to tolerate!!!!!!!!!!

get off my back!!!!!!!!!

argh!!!!!!!!!

damn!!!!!!!!

life is full of problems

2005-04-07T22:06:00.000+08:00

every waking moment
every single day
every single second
you are bugged with problems

from constipation
to coffee too bland, too bitter
from massive jams
to people coming late for appointments
from uncooperative clients
to people pushing you on the escalator
from people jumping taxi queue
to products of the self contradicting policies all over the place

all over the place
you face problems at every turn
you hit the wall every time you advance
you got your finger burnt in every venture
you get things thrown in your face and you got caught in surprise

makes you wonder some times
how do everyone survive
the ardous task of waking up
and face the world every day

i wonder too

life is full of problems

if you ask me

2005-04-07T21:58:00.000+08:00

if you ask me
would i choose to face it or escape
i'll face it
and die with valour

if you ask me
would i choose it or you
i'll choose you
because love is eternity

if you ask me
would i have not known you
i'll rather know you and suffer
than to search for you for a life time

if you ask me
would i still hold on to you even when all is over
i'll hold you in my heart silently
and let you fly

if you ask me
would i give you my blessing
when you fly and find another nest
i'll do what it takes for you to be happy

Someone once told me

2005-04-05T22:28:00.000+08:00

Someone once told me
Everything happens for a reason
You may not know the reason now
But it will prepare you for something in the future

Someone once told me
There's no right or wrong time
Time is just time
It's how you make out of it

Someone once told me
There's no right or wrong choice
Don't regret the choices that you make
And don't make choices that you will regret

Someone once told me
The harder you fall
The higher you will bounce
So never give up when you fall

Someone once told me
Follow your dreams to wherever they lead
Don't be distracted by less worthy needs
Be faithful and loyal, and the dreams will keep coming true

Someone once told me
Dance like no one is looking
Sing like no one is hearing
And live like there's no tomorrow

I tell myself
I only have this life
So live it up
Like I'll never live again

Today is screwed up
But it will become yesterday tomorrow
So what about today...

Ha!

Quarter Life Crisis

2005-04-03T22:25:00.000+08:00

Talk about puberty angst... i think quarter life crisis beats it hands down... another 20 over years from now, I'll post another one on mid life crisis.. if I were to get that far.

Gotten this from a friend...

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realising that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realising that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones.

What you don't recognise is that they are realising that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job, and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realising that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realise that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't.

One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realise that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself, and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender! What you may not realise is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

Will

2005-04-02T00:52:00.000+08:00

when the road ahead seems long
and the end is no where in sight

when the destination invites you
and yet it doesn't promise an easy path

when around you there are obstacles
waiting for you to give up

when whispers of the leaves echo in the dark
determined to distract you

When your body is weary and the mind is weak
nothing pushes you on

The only thing to hold on to
is the will to press on
complete what set you on this journey
till you can finally rest
and tell yourself
you have finally made this journey
where no others travel.

It's been a while

2005-04-01T23:53:00.000+08:00

It's been a while since we last touch
each other's skin

Been a while since we last spoke
Of tender words

Been a while since we last feel
Each other's heart

When did we last hold
Seeking solace in an embrace
Wrapped in each other's skin
Warmed by love
Safe from cold and harshness from the world

When did we last meet
Just the two of us
Take a leave from the world
And seek refuge in our little nest
Enjoying a simple laugh over a meal

Will we slip by each other?
Or will you turn out to be someone who watches over me
Like how I will stay by your side
To walk the rest of the journey with you
Till world's end

I miss you

you're not alone

2005-03-31T01:00:00.000+08:00

you are going insane?
me too...

the world is crashing down?
same here

hate this place?
me as well...

wanna get away?
i second that...

can hardly breath?
I'm choking too

nobody cares anymore?
I guess so... sometimes...

need some help?
I want some too...

you are not alone...
sometimes
all it takes
is to pull yourself together
and act on your problems

nasty little slices of things

2005-03-28T23:48:00.000+08:00

those nasty little things
thin slices of yellow crispy salty things
sprinkled with tiny crystals of salt and msg
comes in cylinder of red, green, yellow, purple and so much more
keeps you going
one after the other
popping one by one into your mouth
and you can't stop at all
not even when you reach the bottom of the tube
those chipped end of the slices
still savoury
make you pour the tube into your mouth
for those last few miserable pieces of scraps
and after all that effort
you still wanna have more
so you have to stick your tongue into it
and lick it clean
till you can't get anymore of it
except for a wet cardboard tube dripping with saliva

those...

nasty little...

pringles

middle of the night

2005-03-28T00:55:00.000+08:00

late at night
serenity and darkness all around

flipping through an old fashion paper diary
feeding on a little dosage of jazz
basking under dim yellow table lamp light
relishing the soft fragrance steaming from favourite tea

fell into a lull moment of reflection
flashback of memories

silly moments
exuberating highs
depressing lows
bitter sweet feelings

desire to make amends stirs
this chapter must close
to move on
and soar

how

2005-03-25T00:41:00.000+08:00

how to cast aside
the heart wrenching feeling
whenever every single thought leads back to him

how to stop
the preoccupation of missing him
when every single song that rings in your head reminds you of him

how to isolate
the regrets of the outcome
when you envision it to be so beautiful

how to go back in time
and know what was coming your way
and stop it

how to win
when you have nothing to fight against the obstacles
that separates you from him

how to stay collected
when every where you turn to
you see pieces of him, scraps of his words, flashes of his goofy smile

how to move on
when everything means nothing to you
if you don't have him

10 things I loathe about you

2005-03-23T22:55:00.000+08:00

I loathe the way you talk to me
and how you make me feel stupid
I loathe the way you don't wash your car
I loathe it when you laugh at me

I loathe your smelly blanket and
the way you read my mind
I loathe you so much it makes me sick
it even makes me rhyme.

I loathe the way you're always right
I loathe it when you boost
I loathe it when you make me laugh
even worse when you make me cry
I loathe it that you're not around and
the fact that you didn't call
But mostly I loathe the way I don't loathe you
not even close, not even a little bit, not even any at all.

so much

2005-03-23T22:05:00.000+08:00

missing you so much that it hurts
thinking of you so much that it eats me
but still loving you so much though it may seem hopeless

wonder if you will ever see it
wonder if you will ever hear it
wonder if doing so much is even enough

too many wrongs

2005-03-08T23:59:00.000+08:00

too little rights
to address too many wrongs

too little time
to correct the wrong

it was once so right
and now it has gone all wrong

journey

2005-03-07T23:59:00.000+08:00

It's a long long journey
Till I know where I'm supposed to be
It's a long long journey
And I don't know if I can believe

When shadows fall and block my eyes
I am lost and know that I must hide
It's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you

Many days I've spent
Drifting on through empty shores
Wondering what's my purpose
Wondering how to make me strong

I know I will falter I know I will cry
I know you'll be standing by my side
It's a long long journey
And I need to be close to you

Sometimes it feels no one understands
I don't even know why
I do the things I do
When pride builds me up
till I can't see my soul
Will you break down these walls
and pull me through

Cause it's a long long journey
Till I feel that I am worth the price
You paid for me on calvary
Beneath those stormy skies

When Satan mocks and friends turn to foes
It feels like everything is out
to make me lose control
Cause it's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you to you

Heart Strings

2005-03-03T23:59:00.001+08:00

someone comes along
and plucks the strings of your heart

it resonance with the music in your mind
for a while the tune sings of bliss
every note rings in your ears
like a sweet melody

but the tune cannot be played forever

it pains you

and you wonder

is it worth it to even suffer the pain
or better than not having your heartstrings resonance with someone else's tune in your life time.

you wonder...

The promise

2005-03-03T23:59:00.000+08:00

a promise in this fleeting reality
amounts to nothing
if reality is what people make out of it

the words of assuring constant
cannot be fulfilled
if words can be perverted with time

change... is the only unchanging thing

promise... serves to be a fragile flame standing in the wind

but at least... time can witness... whether the will to stick around can eventually make things happen at the end.

Why... again

2005-02-17T22:48:00.000+08:00

Why do plants have flowers?
Because like all things in nature
beauty cannot last forever
it has to bear fruits

Why don't fish get tried of swimming?
Because like all beings in nature
they have an insatiable hunger
that makes every being move on

Why do people have to talk?
Because people possess
the desire to be heard
the need to be noticed

Why are people afraid of darkness?
Because when night falls and darkness reign
they don't trust
what they can't see

Why

2005-02-15T22:48:00.000+08:00

Why do plants have flowers?
why don't fish get tired of swimming?
Why do people have to talk?
Why are people afraid of darkness

Plants have flowers
because there is hope
that there's a butterfly out there
some where
will one day come into its life

Fish will swim on
never tired
because there is hope
that one day they will find
where they are going to

People talk
because there is hope
that somewhere out there
there's a person that speaks
the words that will resonate
with their hearts

The world is dark
because there is hope
that everyone will one day find
that even in the darkest of places
there is a light
and that light comes from our hearts

ps: from a friend...

i would rather

2005-01-25T23:48:00.000+08:00

bursting inside
to break free
and fly away
if i have known i would rather not know you
if it has cost you your solitude
if it has cost you your peace
if it has cost you to rock your boat in your journey

i would rather live in a world of mediocrity
if my struggle to live this life is tearing you apart

why do you think you have to entertain me
why do you think you have to live up to my expectation
when all i ask is a simple truth

i'm after all, nothing
of no consequence to your life
of another boat that passes by
another beacon that just gives you a little light along your way
like many others that had done so
perhaps you'll stay a little longer
perhaps my light shines brighter

but am i enough to make you stay
and be happy to stay

i would rather fade into oblivion from your sight
and disappear
vanish
while another boat waits to come by

gravity sets in

2005-01-25T23:20:00.001+08:00

when the whole weight of reality sets in
you realise the gravity of the situation
is heavier than what you think

when you are still flying in the air
and events backlash to shoot you down
you landed heavily on the floor

when you realise what you've done
and attempt to remedy it
it might be too late

because when gravity sets in
and all come crashing down
the pieces might not pick itself up
and all is lost

A little

2005-01-25T23:20:00.000+08:00

a little shaken
a little lost
a little sigh

you seem so close
yet miles away

you feel so real
yet it might just be illusion

is it the right one
or just another trying one

am i not ready
or the time is not right

am i unsure of you
or am i unsure of myself

heart yearns for you
but perhaps distance makes the heart grows fonder

questions that burn
answers that remain elusive

just a little unsure
just a little doubtful
just a little down again

Before insanity kicks in

2005-01-11T01:39:00.000+08:00

Before irrationality kicks in
with every single inch of sanity
that is left bruised and scarred
let me jot down the bits of emotional roller coaster ride

a little island
peaceful and sheltered
builds upon its soil
towers of urban toils
years after years
it grew accustomed to the ways

But it longs for the waves in the ocean
wonders about the vast stretches of shimmering azure
but never did have the chance

fate has it that plates collide
the island is jolted out of its shelter

it was a refreshing sight
out of the urban toils and old ways of life
to the open ocean

but waves after waves towered and crashed upon the island
peacefulness were destroyed
the island was broken

to be out in the ocean
and for the island to survive
old ways must be destroyed
so said the heavenly being

and so, the island strives on
to build new life
new ways

but waves after waves came descending upon the island
making any effort of restoring life impossible...

and the island
becomes just the barren soil
that once breeds life
waiting for the ocean that it once longs for
to swallow it up
slowly

a new year is just another day

2005-01-03T01:15:00.000+08:00

A new year to start with a tragedy
and human calamity... moral calamity...
of people raping victims in Sri Lanka
of people in sumatra faking as victims to steal food aids

I dread to have the thoughts that these people are better off dead
I dread to think that it always takes a tragedy to unify a separated world
I dread to feel that world is beyond redemption
dreadful

just as i was typing this away
some extremists are planning away for the next attack
another mother grieving for her lost child in the disaster
another crime is committed
another heart is broken

I asked myself today

what have you done today that you feel proud of?
or what have you done today that you feel ashamed of?

And I thought, I wouldn't even have the chance to ask myself this
if I had chosen a different destination for holiday
and i nearly chosen a disaster area

Have a close friend who had a near death experience
she asked for a second chance before she went into coma
and she got hers

I can only tell myself
there's not a minute in life to be wasted
not a minute to dwell in self indulgence pity or sadness
but to live life like you never have a second chance

when all things fall into darkness
a shimmer of hope will appear
a singaporean man donated his life away in a land rover expedition to thailand to deliver aids to victims
donations are pouring in
volunteers are pouring in
people from across the world observe vigil for the victims

I'm steering full speed ahead
I'm a bloody utopian optimist... as my bro says
I believe in a world of hope and happiness
and I believe in pay it forward
because there's always goodness in everyone,
waiting to become that shimmer of hope in darkness

I walked past my house today

2004-12-15T03:10:00.000+08:00

A most peculiar thing happened today.

I walked along the corridor.

Noticed the colours of the pillars on my left were different when I last saw them in the morning.

Took me 2 seconds to reflect on the efficiency of the painting work when I didn't see any signs of painting work in progress in the near vicinity of my flat.

Took me 1 second to look to my right and realised that the doors along my corridor are all different.

Took me another 1 second to find out if I'm in the right floor by looking at the unit number.

And finally another 1 second to look back and realised I walked past my house!

While it's most peculiar that I took so long to realise... it's also most interesting.

I didn't feel stupid. But felt that I managed to walk past the line without feeling sinful that I didn't stay in the line. Line as in the line which demarcate the boundary that crosses to the next house, for the benefit of the less informed ones on huilinganism or reneelish.

Not staying in and within a line is a marvelous achievement as a Singaporean I think. *pats my own shoulder*

Which brings me to the Speak Good Chinese is Cool campaign.

How long does it take for a government to learn that campaigns are just another waste of public funds on opening ceremonies, expensive buffets for VIPs and another filler in the newspaper pages? Then after all the hype and fan fare, nobody ever remember them anymore?

And how long does it take for a government to realise that although the people don't give two hoots about such campaigns, schools will be utterly confused over their directives and syllabus with the languages. And the end result is a future generation suffering from lousy English because of Speak Good Chinese campaigns.

And how long does it take for a goverment to realise that the current campaign is a direct reflection of the current working generation with lousy Chinese because of Speak Good English campaigns conducted over the last decade which received resounding success?

It doesn't take a Chinese to learn Chinese and similiarly, it doesn't mean a Chinese must speak Chinese. It's a choice of language dictated by nothing else but an individual's choice of language to learn and speak.

Don't get me wrong, I advocate good Chinese, afterall, I'm a Chinese major. I believe that learning Chinese language is the gateway to the richness of Chinese culture, history, literature and philosophy. It is our heritage and we are entitled to learn it because we are born into a Chinese family and it gives us an edge of learn the language.

But to learn a language to give oneself an identity is a desperate and pathetic attempt to search for a sense of belonging and self identity.

Everyone as an individual has a right to choose who they want to be. No one, by law, is bound by their skin colour or family to learn a language and feel guilty or get insulted by others because they don't learn the language of a race that they are supposedly belong to.

As an individual, self worth and self respect speak volumes than dressing oneself with codes of behaviour and traditions dictated by race and religion. Recognising one's self worth makes one realise it's full potential and ability, which translates to creating a life that makes an impact in others and even the society. And these are the people which Singapore needs desperately. But all systems are set to extinguish whatever budding flame that attempts to burn and shine individually.

Singapore economy used to pride itself by churning out workers who are fast and efficient over the neighbouring countries to woo foreign investors. But fast and efficient and cheap workers are in abundance now in India and even China. With our current standard of languages, we don't even speak good English, let alone Chinese. Who can we compete with? What can we compete with?

What we have now walking in CBD with shirt and ties and suits are employees who can't speak well with creativity and assertiveness inhibited by the education system that strives to churn out instructions recievers than creator.

And that's the result of the direction that our government has taken to create a country based on survival. Now that we have survived, as one of our national day songs stated, isn't it time that we moved on to live our lives?

Now that many families have learn the importance of English in its economic sense, isn't it time that we, as an individual, choose if we want to be bilingual or trilingual? The citizens can't grow up unless the government decide that it's time to let go.

It's time to not just stay in the line and be what we have been told. It's time to step out of line and be an individual.

And I've just walked out of line and past my house today...

how peculiar.

why you?

2004-12-09T23:28:00.000+08:00

Why it has to be you
the one that makes my day always
and also the one who makes me drop into the depths of emotional whirpool

nobody gives a damn anymore

2004-11-26T01:35:00.000+08:00

period.

quickie!

2004-11-16T03:21:00.000+08:00

a post it of this moment

a memo of this rough ride

a note pad with scribblings of scrap memories

a napkin writing of the present

a fast way to redeem the soul

a short note of experience

oh man, nothing like a quickie on the blog.

Cry

2004-11-11T01:33:00.000+08:00

When even the most simplest words leave you
and you can't express yourself

When an emotion triggers
and it swallows you whole

When you feel like giving up
and you can't

When it just hurts
and you can't brush it away

cry

let the tears carry the words
that was meant to be said
row down your cheeks
to the ground
dissipate
disolve
.

Strings

2004-11-11T01:28:00.000+08:00

I love to string my words using the most simplest words, in the most simplest way yet create a wealth of meaning in the most subtle way.

~today's thought

It only hurts both sides

2004-11-08T01:38:00.000+08:00

words just pierce

it is senseless to attack
no strategy will make you win
if you think attack is the best defense

unfair words thrown around
did nothing more
than just hurt

you may not shed a tear
but your emotions ride your sanity

your words just pierce
my words retort
we'll just end up hurting both sides

Off the balance

2004-11-07T02:35:00.000+08:00

Tipping off the balance

Going mad for a while

Say goodbye to sanity

Will be right back...

No time to think.....

2004-10-18T02:56:00.000+08:00

7:30am. Wake up. ZZzzzzzzzzz.... I hear a distant ringing in my dreams. It gets louder and louder and louder and LOUDER! Alarm ring... snooze... 5 minutes... snooze... 5 minutes... snooze... The alarm ring again. 7:45am! Gosh! I jump out of my bed like a monkey with its naked butt on fire.

Just another work day.

What was my dream? Ringing... yea... no time to think. Late for work. Drag my wretched body out of the warm cozy bed, leaving my scent lingering under the blanket... powerful sleep inducer. Dread another morning. Wash my face to wash away the sleepiness with cold icy water. All senses pry open by the coldness. But the mind is weak... my heart longs for another 5 minutes.

Morning after.

After gulping down the scorching hot milo, the steam takes me off to the train station, only to die on me at the station gate. All this while, there’s only one word in my mind. Sleep. I tow my 2 tonnes legs to get me inside the train. And this time round, the eyes are on high alert to look for empty seat. All senses and brain cells are focused on the one and only, sole, singular goal, to beat that auntie standing next to me for the next empty seat. Other processes for the brain are put on hold. That guy holding the Straits Times seems like a potential target to drop off the train soon. What's on the news? Tension between China and the insubordinate piece of naming calling snot across its straits ... Taiwan. Some stinking politics. Is the Iraq war justified? Nah... no time to think.

No interest what so ever.

The incessant routine of typing emails begins. While waiting for the 93 emails to download, once again, I lug myself to the pantry to make myself some stimulant - coffee. Spacing out to the faraway land of lullaby, who cares about the latest make of the plastics injection moulding machine that is capable of producing nano sized parts? It is not as if like Bayer opening a new technology hub in Shanghai would be more exciting than Minister of Environment planting a new tree in Ang Mo Kio for the National Environmental Week.

Oh well...

Where is the journalistic integrity and excitement in news coverage that I watch on CNN and movies and the adrenaline rush from taking those powerful pictures that journalists risk lives for during war times, like that unforgettable picture of a student standing in front of the tank in Tian An Men and the pair of forlorn eyes that belongs to an Afghanistan girl? Forget it! Take pictures with the machine model and serial number, not forgetting the CEO or director... and remind them to smile.

We have to be politically correct. No humour, no speculation, no deduction and forecasting. We have to be factually correct. That's the kind of journalistic integrity that I have to uphold in the industrial magazine I'm writing for. Forget about trying to be smart, it is banned.

Boring

You want to try new writing style. You want to suggest changes to the editorial coverage. You will come back with hordes of ruthless criticisms and defensive retorts slapped on your face for trying to change the system that is established by the almighty editor herself who had consulted the wisdom of the great grand editors and consultants. For my own good, just be a dog and fetch when told. Basically, mind my own business. What can I think of about my future with this magazine?

Zilch

You have to look like you are slogging your way through all the work while others can walk around discussing about which watch model they want to purchase... Longines or Omega? Fashion watch or classic watch? They flip through the magazines pages over and over again to discuss the pros and cons of each model while I write about the pros and cons of using a longer runner for injection moulding machine.

Fuck off

Where do I see myself in the next five years? You want my interview answer or the real answer? Interview answer is I would love to see myself with this company and grow with magazine and possibly establishing myself as a prominent figure in the plastics news. Real answer is get the hell outta here get a life.

What kind of life is that?

Haven't had time to think. More like busy dealing with politics and dodging away to prevent myself from bearing the brunt of any thing that might go wrong. Just know I want to walk out of this chapter of my life.

How?

Dunno. Dealing with the everyday issues is extremely daunting as it is already and pushing myself to be an efficient worker would have zap the life out of me. Labour for other people's dreams, that is what I am doing.

6pm

Time to go! But hell no! My drafts are rejected again and she wants to see them tomorrow morning. My luck. Appointments of any sort after work are not viable excuses to delay submitting the drafts; otherwise you'll be labeled as single handedly delaying the entire production process of the magazine.

9pm

My feet are cold from the cold shafts of air coming from the bottom of my table. My fingers are getting retarded and brain (it's still there?!) slows down to the speed of 28.8K modem in transferring information between my fingers and brain (I think it's still there...) Inspiration runs dry and I bet they are still not the ideal drafts that she wants to see.

9:30pm

No dinner... took the fifth cup of coffee for today. There is a light drizzle outside. This dreadful weather looks set to make me just as pathetic as the sour looking dried plums sitting in the company pantry.

...

...

...

10pm

Brain on auto pilot mode. Fingers typing away without brain functioning. One of the greatest ability that I have acquired working for others. One of the greatest ability that I have acquired. One of the greatest ability that I have acquired... Erm... What did I just typed?

10:30pm and I am still freaking stuck here?!? Go out, get a life and a dinner!

From here onwards, the body takes over. The sluggish body is being dictated by a hungry and empty stomach and food scavenging is the sole objective. After which, the limbs are on first gear all the way back home for a nice warm shower to remind the brain that its sensory functions are still in existence. And not forgetting, a good dosage of senseless channel 5 and 8 sitcoms and late night shows that are fittingly slotted as late night shows... because no one watch them... derh.

No time to think at all...

If you are still reading, good for you. I don't know how I managed to go so far with this kind of life. Time to scroll back and start all over again and scroll back again 5 times. If you can't stand reading it, neither could it.

No time to think at all...

======================================

Life of a desk bound jobber. Any resemblance of anyone dead, living or half dead half living are purely coincidental.

And I love you so

2004-09-21T01:49:00.000+08:00

Not that I'm unoriginal... but these lyrics are so beautiful... so gotta paste them here.

Oldies taste as good as aged wine...

Females are just a sucker for romantic tunes... (you don't have to disagree!)

I would love to imagine someone sings this to me... I would melt and seep into the cracks in the cement ground... ha!

okaaaay... what a off statement. Ladies and gentlemen, enjoy...

And I Love You So ~ Perry Como

And I love you so
The people ask me how
How I've lived 'til now
I tell them I don't know

I guess they understand
How lonely life has been
But life began again
The day you took my hand

And yes I know, how lonely life can be
The shadows follow me
And the night won't set me free
But I don't let the evening get me down
Now that you're around me

And you love me too
Your thoughts are just for me
You set my spirit free
I'm happy that you do

The book of life is brief
And once a page is read
All but life is dead
That is my belief

And yes I know, how lonely life can be
The shadows follow me
And the night won't set me free
But I don't let the evening get me down
Now that you're around me

Walking out of the shadows

2004-09-19T01:53:00.000+08:00

Cold, harsh, vengeful
Dark, desolate, despair

Echo of the past mourn eternally
Shadows of memories linger in the corridor of your life

Life stands still for you
Life is but a mere ticking of the clock
Life is but a routine of eat, work and sleep
Just like how the hands revolve on the clock face
over and over again
Life no longer has a purpose
Life is but a waiting game

I chance by your corridor
Separated by a door

The mystery of your dark allures me
Empathy for your longing
Compassion for your wasted passion
Beckon me to turn the knob, open the door

Never did know
Darkness is your food
Memories are your companions

But it is then we realize
We both have been searching for completeness
in each other

You take the step
out of the door
Shedding the skins of the past
out of shadows, into the light
Reaching out to me
into my world

I can never walk down your corridor
Read all the memoirs of your past
Grasp the lingering shadows of your darkness
Like the moon that can never catch a glimpse of the sun

When I hear
It is a voice that is pained
When I touch
It is a body that is scarred

When I feel
It is a soul that is no longer passionate

As the light melts away the shadows
Your life awakens
I embrace your forthcoming with open arms
You and I are a whole

But I can never walk down your corridor
shut behind us…

Red Indian Chief & Weather story

2004-09-17T01:26:00.000+08:00

Got this from a friend...

One of the most original jokes I've heard for this period. Ha!

It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets, and when he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the heck the weather was going to be.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared.But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea.

He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked,"Is the coming winter going to be cold?""It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed,"the Meteorologist at the weather service responded.S o the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared.

One week later he called the National Weather Service again."Is it going to be a very cold winter?" he asked."Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going tobe a very cold winter."The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect everyscrap of wood they could find.

Two weeks later he called the National Weather Service again."Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?""Absolutely," the man replied. "It looks like it's going to be one of the coldest winters ever.""How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy."

Sometimes life is just like a merry-go-round...

If you need to...

2004-09-16T01:02:00.000+08:00

If you need to fly

then fly

spread your wings and fly
to where your heart desires
then don't look back
'till you are ready to rest

If you need to taste

then

savour the flavours of life,
spoil yourself with spices of existence
then don't stop sampling
'till you are ready to stop

If you need to love

and

experience the sensational
go to the depths of despair
then go forth
'till you find the love of the life time

If you need to run

run

escape from the everyday toils
away from the ugliness and sadness
then hideaway
'till you are ready to face the world

If you need to...

I'll always be around
to journey with you
till world's end

--to dar

Rise from the pits

2004-09-13T01:52:00.000+08:00

When all things that can go wrong
have gone wrong

like how a pimple choose to pop up
on the day before your first show

like how a car splashes water on you on a rainy day
when you are walking on the pavement with your new dress

When despite how you tried and
nothing seems to go right

like how you fumble over your dance steps
although it is your 100th time dancing

like how you made sure everyone gets adequate practices
and everyone is always late or doesn't turn up

When all you see are obstacles ahead of you
that are determined to bring you down

like you sing the wrong lyrics in your show
although you memorise it for a million time

these are the days when you gotta rise from the pits
give it a swear
wipe the dust off your face
and move on with the same determination
that drives you to walk down this path

blog it like an html idiot

2004-09-11T02:15:00.000+08:00

gosh...

took me hell of a lot of time to figure out how to fix the header...

and how to get the date and time back in place...

and how to change the background colour...

still gotta fix the redundant archive links...

and it's gonna take a hell of alot of time again...

but good way to destress... hiak!
=============================================

html idiot
but screaming for web presence
hence
blog is next to the best

html codes
seems to be English
but
reads like Latin

html editing
similiar to editing writings
however
grammatical errors are allowed!

html publishing
is as addictive as drugs
nevertheless
makes you brain dead instead of high!

New skin! New Look!

2004-09-10T15:25:00.000+08:00

Yoo hooo!!!

New skin! Like a snake that sheds its skin... this is gonna be smoooooother ... yea baby yea...

Not too bad for a html beginner...... dunno how to get back my header though... argh... had to leave it as it is first...

When words just left me

2004-09-10T02:01:00.000+08:00

For a moment
you thought
you ought to say it
and
nothing comes out
and
emotions took over
and
uncertainty of right or wrong prevails

the moment passes
and you know
it's over

And you want to redeem
by making up for lost words
through actions

But you know
the moment passes
and it's over

--v--<@ A flower that grows despite cement holes @>--v---

Tapestry Playback Theatre Performance 10th Dec

It's the time again...

Addiction to drug is not a human's prerogative ;)

The Greatest Advice

Mime open rehearsal performance

The Good Fight

Trust

Cambodia 2006

Playing back my Playback

My Playback Show

Opening doors

Tell me watcha think of moi...

These are wicked... very wicked...

A Friend from Urumqi

Updates on the show times

Updates on the show times

Updates from the showing time

me is going to be seen...*gasp*

For crying out loud...!

Full Circle

mass appeal

Whatever that makes you happy...

Vitamin for the soul

A transaction

Still Fresh from HK Air

What is talent?

Fresh from Hong Kong air..

Playing by the rules

Disgestive biscuits and milk

life goes on...

now what

to see the world

dream dangerously

I sense

time stands still

ashes to ashes...

darkness

notes of life

good man

a game of me

Voiceless

a raging storm

another turn

pain

I am...

i choose to stay

If only just love is enough

am i too slow or are you in a rush?

your face

quarter century old

Never like to write

writer's bug

moving on

i feel the same way

so be it

something i read today

a conversation that never happened

It just gets harder

A real artist

sooooo unfair!

life is full of problems

if you ask me

Someone once told me

Quarter Life Crisis

Will

It's been a while

you're not alone

nasty little slices of things

middle of the night

how

10 things I loathe about you

so much

too many wrongs

journey

Heart Strings

The promise

Why... again

Why

i would rather

me is going to be seen...gasp